"I despise you and your music" ... lots of fun!

[Synthpopalooza]

You have GOTTA try this out ...

http://www.chthonicionic.net/bile/

put in any band you like, and watch this guy trash it before your eyes.

[labrat]

Ha ha ha!!! :D Considering "chthonic" refers to the Greek underworld, I thought he might drag it even further into the depths of hell than he did. Thanks for putting the link up, I needed the laugh. :)

[Kirlian Blue]

this is hysterical mate Synthpoplooza do you know an aquantance of mine called KARL jENKINSON?????


I've tried to wipe Tubeway Army's Replicas from my mind, but, for you, here's what I can remember...

Just because the whole album stinks doesn't mean you can get away with offerings like track 3, Machman - I'm still reeling from the onslaught of what sounds like a drunk, urine soaked, pus stained tramp's idea of a catchy tune that people will donate all their spare change to stop hearing. Down in the Park should have been left off this album. It's marginally better than the rest and, frankly, only draws attention to their simplistic banality. Track 6, You Are in My Vision made my cat sick. Twice. I think I'm going to sue.

The lyrics of When the Machines Rock would make better sense written on a urinal wall - at least you could piss on them. We Have a Technical isn't that bad. Ha ha. Got you. It's just a tiny bit worse than, say, the sound of a distressed cow Tubeway Army has shut in a small cardboard box. Track fifteen, We Are So Fragile or little bits of aural ¤¤¤¤ dripping into my brain? You decide, I'm not playing it again.

In fact, there's no excuse for people buying this and taking it into their homes to tortute their innocent children.

[Electroswank]

LOL i typed in Madonna - the end quote kills me;

"In fact, I feel violated from just having to discuss this stuff with you"

[7red7]

What do I think about Naive Art by Red Flag? I don't think you are going to like this...

If I Ever could be mistaken for a pre-teen violinist playing scales over and over in some desperate attempt to make music, tears running down their chubby cheeks with every screech if you don't listen very carefully, and, believe me, you don't want to. Just because the whole album stinks doesn't mean you can get away with offerings like track 2, Pretty in Pity - I'm still reeling from the onslaught of what sounds like my grandfather's idea of a toe-tapping tune. Track 4, Give Me Your Hand is beyond belief. It sounds like the sort of thing you'd play to a blind man to make them appreciate the lot of a deaf and blind man.

Red Flag will strike fear into your heart with possibly the worst song on a bad album, the appalling track 6, Count To Three. It sounds like my grandmother's aborted attempts at sex with a shrew. Only a collection of cheap samples, bad lyrics, over-produced warbling and something that goes 'ping' throughout could compare to Save Me Tonight. What possesses people to make music that sounds like track eight, Broken Heart? The ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ lovechild of Joe Dolce and Mariah Carey? I'm not offering further opinion because I'm not listening to it again. Ever.

In fact, I'm scared Red Flag will reproduce and foist a new generation of crud on us.

If you still like this crap, go buy it on amazon or something.


Oh man as much as I love RF this was freaking hilarious!!!! :laugh:

DAN

[conditioner]

Gimme a break. This guy uses clips of every review he gives in other reviews!! Some of it's damn funny. Like thanking god there was a skip on VNV Nation's preise the fallen.
But the dude hasn't even heard of DEVO!!!!

[test]

That was hysterical! The "critic" has never heard of depeche MODE and yet he's heard of mesh. :laugh:

[labrat]

Hehe, I figured someone would put up what the guy said about Red Flag since I couldn't remember all the details ;) I think he said something a bit different when I checked earlier. Seems like he doesn't realize they put out more than one album.

Stephanie: Was he talking about the "fake" Mesh or the "real" Mesh? :) And he's never heard of Depeche Mode or Devo? That's even more hilarious!!! :laugh:

[fondlemywax]

ahem.... (http://www.chthonicionic.net/bile/default.asp?Depeche+Mode+Violator)

[NullDevice]

Y'all do realize this isn't a "guy", it's a program, right?

Hit "refresh" on a review a few times. It comes up with a different one each time.

I'm guessing it checks gracenote or allmusic or something when you put in a band name or album, and then just randomly mad-libs something. And it'd find "depeche mode" but not "depeche MODE" becasue the search is probably case sensitive.

[test]

Yeah, I know it's a program. I may have typed it in with the MODE in caps. :laugh: It's totally a habit of mine now. Yeppers, I did type it that way. Oops!!!!! Well, he was right about Violator. Black Celebration is a MUCH better album anyways. :D

Kathy, yeah, it was the real mesh. The program listed In This Place Forever.

[labrat]

Pretty talented "guy" (program) if it's heard of Mesh! :D I should go see what it says about the other bands I like...I need a few more laughs since I've got a cold and feel miserable (yep, at the end of June...it sux).

Oh shucks, I liked Violator more than Black Celebration. ;)

[edit]

Ha ha ha, I loved what it said about Erasure too...I would post it up here but Jamie might kill me :laugh: It hasn't really heard of Neuropa...

[7red7]

I still think it's a good link for a good laugh :D

DAN

[Synthpopalooza]

Well, I tried it with a few obscure bands that few outside of Electrogarden would know (Ganymede, Freezepop, Nukleon, all of those) ... and they did come up with those putrid reviews as well.

Altho ... Synthetik FM's not in its vocabulary ... fortunately for me ;)

[labrat]

He he he, maybe it likes you? :laugh:

[A04]

It is clever. The "go buy it at Amazon or something" will send you to that artist/album at Amazon and probably give that home page credit for referring the product. I don't know if Amazon still does the referral program, but I thought it was an interesting feature.

[kathy]

ahah! I've fooled it!!! this is the answer about Clear Vision!


Hmm, you've got me there. I've never heard of "clear vision" ...

... but I'm sure it's like a retarded cow defacating through a sieve into my ears.

[Kirlian Blue]

This is the Thought Criminals answer!

? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????
(my band can't be that bad!)

[Zero_As_A_Limit]

Haha this is what it says about Camouflage's Bodega Bohemia...

Four people died whilst track 2, Crime was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like my own personal hell. Camouflage sound like a cheap keyboard being played by a God-fearing christian fund raiser outside Tesco's throughout the apocalyptic mess that is track three, Jealousy. Track 4, Time Is Over isn't that bad. Ha ha. Got you. It's just a tiny bit worse than, say, the sound of a distressed cat Camouflage has shut in a small cardboard box.

People have accused my reviews of being generated by a computer. Well, of course they are. You think anyone in their right mind would listen to Camouflage all day? I'm all digital baby. How many times does Camouflage need to tell us all about their miserable ¤¤¤¤ing life? In Your Ivory Tower just reeks of teenage bedroom poetry and should have stayed there.

In fact, I wish Camouflage had never been born

[kathy]

Originally posted by Kirlian Blue
This is the Thought Criminals answer!

? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????
(my band can't be that bad!)


LOL Mark ! it's too ignorant! :D

[Kirlian Blue]

Originally posted by kathy



LOL Mark ! it's too ignorant! :D



I know darling :0xxxxx

[rustcwc]

it was funny the first time...but after a few attempts..i noticed that it just recycled the same stuff over and over and putting in certain bands brought up something completely removed from them..but a laugh....

[Dizzyduck]

I couldn't stop laughing when, after tapping ''U2'', it said something like ''sounds like a zit exploding in front of your mirror''...LOL!!! And also, when tapping ''The Cure'': ''...Once music was a simple thing.People played a jolly tune into a recording device, and danced about a bit. Now we need professional psychiatric care for an audience assaulted..eight years of therapy and still I'm reduced to a gibbering wreck...''

Oh, has anyone seen that site called ''I hate music''? There's this girl that has actually made a very good effort at wittily slagging bands off...I can't remember the exact address, though, but it was a good laugh as well.