the french

[~technosapien]

http://www.3c0x1.net/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/French_Victories.jpg

studying for history class is funny sometimes

[~si_w]

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic
who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's
armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages
to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of
the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk
Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in
the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First
Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English,Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders
to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not
be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
collapses?”.

[~pencilgod]

Hehehehe, that was really funny.

[7red7]

*LMAO* Too funny Joel buddy, too funny :laugh:

DAN

[Synthpopalooza]

Oh, I was wondering ... which war was it that had the French being defeated at Agincourt?

Wasn't there also a French emperor in Mexico around the time of the US Civil war that also got his butt kicked?

However, there WAS one french military victory. Altho I dunno if it counts as being French ... the conquest of England by William of Normandy, in the year 1066. Normandy, being in what is now present-day France. This conquest effectively ended Saxon rule in England ... however keep in mind William only won because poor king Harold had to deal with Vikings trying to invade on another front as well. So it's a victory with a technicality.

[~PTInc]

Granted Im really drunk...

but has anyone else seen the resemlbance between Joanna Dark from Perfect Dark on N64 and Jean d'Arc?

ponder man.... ponder

[NoirTech]

wow...Dennis Miller's joke is still going strong I see.

[~Efreak]

Originally posted by technosapien
http://www.3c0x1.net/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/French_Victories.jpg

studying for history class is funny sometimes

You're killin' me. I love it! ;)
Jamie

[~Kirlian Blue]

Im an Englishman I will not comment but i will stick my two fingers up at President Chirac and the EURO!

English and Proud as ever
kirlian Blue

[~Bornslippy]

and somewhere along the line, Zsa Zsa Gabor was born....

[test]

Mark, Zsa Zsa Gabor is Hungarian, not French. ;)

[~Bornslippy]

Originally posted by Stephanie
Mark, Zsa Zsa Gabor is Hungarian, not French. ;)

Ooooopssssss....

Well, she did slap that cop once.. So I figured she must be French..

[~NullDevice]

The Franks had a good run, what with Charlegmagne and such. But that was before they were really "French."

They make damn good food, though. Mmm. I'm willing to forgive a multitude of sins for a good boullaibaise.

[~Human Clone]

To quote Grounds-keeper Willy on the Simpsons "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys" :)

[~conditioner]

what's funny is the only thing I ever hear about the french is how they're cowardly wine guzzlers. The only thing I hear is if you don't want to fight, you must be no good.
Now with me, I've had my share of scrappin', and azz kickin, (and gettin my azz kicked), but sometimes fighting is just not for some people and i respect that.
But the French also make better film, better food, better drink, and better music than a lot of the American artists out there. Who gives a ffucck if they aren't brawlers-At least they have some damn good taste, and contribute a lot more to the artistic side of things than us Yanks. We all contribute shiznit from every part of the globe, but the french have definetely got a bad rap. Americans are the last muthers to point fingers, especially after all the shizzl we've done. Just my two cents

bumpin Daft Punk, munchin creme brule, sippin vino, duckin under a desk at every loud sound- peace

[~Bornslippy]

And then 1 day this French man was hiking one time in the mountains.. What he forgot to bring is food... He was sooooo hungry, he saw a snail on the floor and ate it.... He luved the way it filled him as well as the slimey taste ... He called it Escargot ...

[~si_w]

Originally posted by conditioner
what's funny is the only thing I ever hear about the french is how they're cowardly wine guzzlers.

I have this feeling that you're taking this a bit more seriously than intended... ;)

[~Kirlian Blue]

Im no fan of the French attitude to there once part rulers...not Normandy ..I dont dislike French People far from it but there is not much in common between an Englishman and a Frenchman apart from the amount of Alcahol we guzzle on a near daily basis.

I am offended only by the lack of thanks Britain recieved after World War 2 ...Note us British owe the Americansd fotr there support in the War and After but it was Briatin till 1942 who defeated the NAZI'S ! The french fail to reconigse the British Effort and also Russia i think has never payed back its due for the 14,000 aircarft and 500o tanks we built for them during world war 2 and all the honrable brituish lifes ( and commonwealth, french resistance polish,czecq,australian,canadaian,american) given up and sacrificed for a better world.

I myself think the French have a great culture, I just hate the fact of their right to have a Veto on the Un security council yet theyve been invadesd countless times and have no credible Milatary force. As an Englishman im proud of the acheivenments of my past there are wrong doings which I wont deny!
The french have a lot to offer the world Culture and debate! They were one of the first modern Democracys and spawned Jean Michelle Jarre and Air! I cant dislike the people but the Political Prats in PARIS!

[NoirTech]

I like some French people. Especially Julie Delpy...
::thinks::
mmmm....Julllliiiieeeee Deeeellllpppppy

http://www.uoregon.edu/~dlo/julie.html

JULIE DELPY!

[7red7]

I'll have to concure, Julie Delpy is um...*cough*...hot... :D

DAN

[~melibita]

Originally posted by Synthpopalooza
Oh, I was wondering ... which war was it that had the French being defeated at Agincourt?

Wasn't there also a French emperor in Mexico around the time of the US Civil war that also got his butt kicked?

Yeah, they set up a French emperor in Mexico in the mid-1800's, but he didn't last long considering how long other countries like the U.S. and Britain were able to keep their colonies.

[~conditioner]

The way she says "no peeing on me" in Killing Zoe!

Magnifique!!!!!!!

[~Kirlian Blue]

Who would love to invade France steel there Monuments , Women and Beer then create a aNGLO-aMERICAN Mars Colony sitting on our a*ses all day drinking beer, listening to Synthpop being waited on by beautiful French Women all day ?