Please listen to a song I recorded

[~DavidMDiggler]

Hey. In December I wrote and recorded a song entitled "Raw". I layered all the tracks myself, so no one else was part of it. I sing on it as well. I tried to make it sound like NOTHING else out there. It's available to listen to at the link below:

http://www.mp3.com/TruthInLie


Please listen and give honest feedback in this thread. Tear it apart or praise it; you're welcome to do either.

[~DeadBeats]

this song is not as original as would have expected with you saying you tried to make it sound like nothing else out there
sounds like a mainstream electronic song didnt like it personally but it didnt sound to amateurish so thats cool

[~cliffwalk]

(a) Either roll your own or find a more original drum loop. Variation. Everything is extremely 1 dimensional... it makes the fact that it's loop-based very obvious.
(b) I like the simplicity with your vocals but you need to articulate the words more.
(c) Song structure isn't appealing enough to keep a listener interested. It's fine if you're trying to drive the structure of the song into different territories but there's no hook, nothing keeping me even remotely interested.
(d) Words are hard to make out but what I did make out seem to lack anything to imagine.

It's nice that you're starting to work on stuff... I'd advise learning more about constructing your own rhythm tracks... I know you're striving for originality but you may want to try writing a few tunes with standard structure first before you branch out.

Dave

[~Styk]

I hear potential but...

Lose the drum loop like Cliffwalk said... Personally I find most drum loops irritating for one reason. No one ever emphasizes the Kick when they record them. I mean I've been known to use repeating drum patterns like anyone else. But yeah try writing drums the "traditional" way. A thumping Kick is my preference and the kick on this is virtually non-existent.

Spend some more time MIXING and getting levels right. The most upfront things are the vocals and high hats. Again part of that could be the crappy loop. There are good loops are there are bad loops. Nothing wrong with the beat persay just the mix and recording of it itself.

The track is very sparse and I don't know whether or not thats intential..try adding some more instrumentation if it wasn't intentional.

The vocal track along with being way to upfront in the mix is rather dry. Try adding a bit of reverb and maybe even chorus the "thicken" the vocal track up. a little goes a long way.

With a little work this could be much more interesting so it's a nice start...keep at it.

"Like I know anything"...hehehe

Styk

[Avil]

I thought this song was quite interesting and amusing to listen to.
The vocals wasn´t as something you would have expected of an electronic song. I don´t know much about programming, so I wont say anything about it!

Nice vocals, interesting and exciting song!
Make me shiver. I like it a lot!

Christina

[~hornblas]

The song seems to me to have been quite influenced by Rap/Hip-Hop production or early 80's EBM. Either way I like the style (very stripped down). From the vocal styling it seems that Hip-Hop has had some influence on you. Being someone who enjoys Hip-Hop, I found the rap-like vocals interesting. If this is your direction ("industrial-hip-hop") keep going.

[~DavidMDiggler]

Thanks for all the constructive criticism. The song is by no means a finished product...more so a skeleton or blueprint for a future song, once I'm out of college and get money for real equipment and what not. I'd be interested to hear some more opinions as well.